I never knew who was more excited to go beginning of school year shopping. I made it a fun day for the girls. They had their lists from school, they had their own lists of personal items they wanted and I had my dreams for them. We left the house excited. Our girls liked going to school (mostly for the social aspect) and I liked them going to school (mostly for the quiet at home).
There is something about the smell of new. If I close my eyes and smell a new box of crayons, it energizes my brain with vivid images of days gone by. New things do this to me. They energize me and revitalize my life, even if just for a moment.
I see happy faces, carefully searching through brightly color folders for the perfect one, I see mad faces as her sisters picks out the same folder, I see tears when I say "It's okay, no one else will know". I am not sure why tears and anger still make my heart happy but they do. I see hours of unpackaging their new stash, carefully putting their names on everything, lining it up on the carpet in front of them, checking the list one more time and then making sure it all fits in their new school bag. It about starting over with a fresh outlook.
I like this.
I have forgotten how to do this for myself.
Most things in my life are no longer new. It is a rare day to go out with a list and buy all new things. My life now is about making do with what I have. My things are well worn, comfortable and mostly practical. They are bursting with memories like new thing smell, but in a very different way. It's about the past, not the future. It's about where I have been, not where I am going. I often feel I am lingering, stuck in this very perfect time that I have created for myself. It's not a bad thing, I am very happy with life, but excitement and anticipation are no longer in my vocabulary. How did this happen?
I like new things.
I am going to remember how to do this.
Starting now, I will actively seek out new things and add them to my life. Not everyday, just once in a while. They will be things I haven't done before and may not do again, but they will be new and exciting.
The next time I smell that new box of crayons, the excitement will be for me. I will create new memories and have a moment to look forward to. I may even buy a coloring book and use my new crayons.